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Writer's pictureDr Vivek Viswanathan

"Talking About It: How to Discuss Your Child's Surgery with Friends and Family"

Learning your child needs surgery can be a whirlwind of emotions. Between appointments, questions, and preparing your child, the thought of discussing it with friends and family might feel overwhelming. However, open communication can be a source of much-needed support during this time. Here's a guide to help you navigate conversations about your child's surgery:



Deciding Who to Tell:

  • Close family and friends: It's natural to want to rely on your closest circle for emotional support and practical help.

  • People who interact with your child regularly: This could include teachers, daycare providers, or babysitters.

  • Consider your child's comfort level: Depending on their age and personality, involve them in deciding who they'd like to be informed.

How to Start the Conversation:

  • Be open and honest: Share the information in a way that feels comfortable for you. Briefly explain the reason for the surgery and the expected timeline.

  • Tailor your message to each person: Consider their relationship with your child and the level of detail they need.

  • Offer reassurance: Let them know that you and your child's medical team are confident in the procedure.

What to Say:

  • Start with the basics: Briefly explain the type of surgery and the reason behind it.

  • Outline the timeline: Share the dates for pre-operative appointments, surgery day, and expected recovery time.

  • Set expectations: Be honest about potential challenges and limitations your child might face during recovery.

  • Express your needs: Let them know how they can best support you and your child.

Here are some examples to get you started:

  • "Our doctor has recommended surgery for [child's name] to treat [condition]. We're still gathering information, but the surgery is scheduled for [date]."

  • "[Child's name] will be having surgery to [explain the procedure] on [date]. We expect them to be in the hospital for [duration] and recovery will take about [timeframe]."

  • "We appreciate your support during this time. [Child's name] might be a bit tired after surgery, so short visits might be best initially."

Setting Boundaries:

  • It's okay to set boundaries. You don't have to share every detail if you're not comfortable.

  • If you're overwhelmed with well-meaning offers of help, politely suggest specific ways they can support you.

  • "Thank you for offering to bring meals! We'd appreciate it if you could bring a casserole on [date]."

Addressing Unsolicited Advice:

  • It's common for people to share their own experiences or offer advice. Listen politely, but be clear about your child's specific situation and treatment plan.

  • You can say something like, "Thank you for sharing your story. We're following the doctor's recommendations for [child's name]'s case."

Remember, communication is key. By openly discussing your child's surgery with loved ones, you can build a strong support system that will help you navigate this journey.


Additional Tips:

  • Utilize social media platforms to share a general update with a wider circle if that feels comfortable.

  • Consider writing a blog post or journal entry as a way to process your emotions and share information.

  • Don't hesitate to seek support from a therapist or counselor if you're struggling to cope with the emotional aspects of your child's surgery.

Having a strong support network can make a significant difference during your child's surgical journey. Open communication with friends and family can help you feel less alone and provide valuable emotional and practical assistance.

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